Introvert Pride

When I ask people to describe an introvert, they respond with adjectives like: Shy Antisocial Quiet  Timid While it's possible for some introverts to embody the above characteristics, it doesn't describe all of us. I'm fact, introversion has little -- if anything -- to do with a person's personality. It's more about how they're wired. Introverts draw energy from within. We're essentially powered by: Solitude Solitary pursuits Being left alone with our thoughts  That being said, we don't necessarily leave parties early or skip them altogether because we loathe people.  We do it because, after a tiring day or week, it's the only way we can recharge our batteries.  Actors/actresses like Steve Martin and Meryl Streep are confirmed introverts. Given their profession, do you think they detest interacting with people? If that were true, I'm sure they'd have quit long ago. Large crowds and noisy environments are especially draining for us -- thus the...

Would you describe yourself as an early riser or a night owl? If it's the latter, you're most likely an introvert -- or at least you identify with them on this front. Indeed, I've yet to meet an introvert who doesn't go to sleep late at night.  As I've gotten older, this habit has regulated a bit. But I've never been one to call it a night at 9 p.m. like some of my friends do. So what exactly drives introverts to be nocturnal beings? For starters, introverts love their solitude -- it's how they recharge. And what better time to do it than when everyone else is catching some Z's? Nothing spells peace and quiet like total darkness (or dim lighting) accompanied by the sounds of nature or air conditioning.  Then again, there are times when I like listening to music at these late hours. The chances of being interrupted by someone or something are slim to nil.  Some find it odd that I happen to enjoy reading while listening to music. The tunes far from distrac...

As technology has continued to expand, we've become more and more reliant on digital communication -- and the pandemic has only accelerated the trend. People are no doubt communicating more via social media, text, and instant messaging apps than ever before.  Let's enter a time capsule and go back to the late 90s/early 2000s, when America Online (now AOL) was in its heyday. While many people jumped on the chat room and IM train, it was nowhere near as ubiquitous as Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp are today.  We must acknowledge, of course, that smartphones weren't a thing yet. Now, thanks to the wide adoption of WiFi and data plans, we can keep in touch with friends and family at the push of a button, no matter where we are.  As I've addressed in prior posts, COVID helped to usher in a new era of remote work. Yes, some companies were already allowing employees to work from home, but it was more sporadic, on an as-needed basis. Now we're witnessing people -- introver...

This really applies not only to introverts but to everyone who grew tired of the shackles of secondary school.  But I would venture a guess that most of my fellow introverts were picked on at some point in their middle/high school years, whether because they were deemed the teacher's pet, a nerd, antisocial, or unnervingly quiet.  That's why starting college was undoubtedly a breath of fresh air in many an introvert's eyes. Newly released from the stigmas that followed some of us since elementary school, we viewed it as an opportunity to rebrand or reinvent ourselves.  No longer would Kenny, whom you met in kindergarten and graduated high school with,  ensure that everyone in your midst knows you're exceedingly taciturn, as he was now off to a college thousands of miles from yours.  In college, everyone is treated like an adult because now they're footing the bill for their education. Students looking to be spoon-fed need not apply.  Don't want to go to cla...

If you asked any introvert to name the one thing they've appreciated the most about this new reality ushered in by the pandemic, working from home is sure to be a popular answer.  That being said, in light of the fact that Covid is beginning to recede, it's no surprise many fear this flexibility will soon be coming to an end.  It's not to say that extroverts don't value being able to work in their pajamas and binge on Netflix while crunching numbers.  But on the whole, introverts -- who are partial to written communication -- are less enthusiastic about a return to face-to-face interactions.  Because our social batteries drain more easily than those of our more extroverted counterparts, we haven't found ourselves in need of a recharge quite as often these past few years.  Sure, Teams and Zoom meetings aren't always fun, but we'll take them any day of the week over having to be present for pointless brainstorming sessions and water cooler conversations. Not o...

All introverts -- or at least a great many of us -- have been unjustly described as arrogant.  This one really rankles me. It's yet another case of judging a book by its cover without knowing all the facts -- of making snap judgments without fully getting go know someone. Unfortunately, introverts fall victim to this miscalculation quite frequently.  Many people assume that because we introverts tend to keep to ourselves, we are unapologetically haughty -- that we walk around carrying some form of superiority complex.  This, of course, couldn't be farther from the truth.  I have never in my life thought myself superior to anyone. Do I think certain people are full of it? Yes. Do I think some ought to think more carefully through their words before opening their mouths? You bet.  But people who know little to nothing about introversion often make a reflexive assumption that we think we're too "good" to talk to others. They misinterpret our often retiring nature a...

If I asked what the most precious asset we have in life is, what would you say? Money? No, we can always recoup that. Love? We can find it in different people and places. Health? While important, a person can reverse a decline if they act soon enough -- whether by losing weight, going to the doctor more often, and so on. So what is the most precious resource we have, you ask? It's none other than time, and introverts are cognizant of it. Sure, you can find ways to better organize your time so that there's more of it to go around -- whether for friends, hobbies, or sheer relaxation.  Perhaps it entails taking a less demanding job, moving closer to work to shave time off your commute, or using services like Uber Eats and Instacart to have food delivered. It's about doing little things to tweak your daily routine so that less time is spent on minutiae.  But here's the thing: No matter what you do tomorrow, today isn't coming back -- ever. The time you're spending r...

Introverts very often tend toward the negative -- whether in our career, our relationships, or our general outlook on life. It's a habit of which many of us are conscious, but find awfully difficult to kick, much like smoking and overeating.   Whether it's because we aren't invited to a gathering (even though part of us might be glad we're staying home instead), we receive a poor review at work for being too quiet, or an acquaintance dismisses us as snobby out of sheer ignorance, such incidents can see our self-esteem take a beating.  When you view yourself negatively, your actions may be unconsciously affected by that internal negativity, which may prevent you from attaining the happy experiences you desire. If you feel you're unworthy of a good, well-paying job or enriching relationship, you cease engaging in behaviors that would help you corral those things. You may in fact sabotage yourself by gravitating toward positions or partners who aren't good for you....

A pandemic sweeps the entire world almost overnight, causing businesses to close, schools to pivot to online instruction, and people to panic -- except, perhaps, for one small subset of the population.  It's as if introverts had been waiting for this moment their whole lives. No longer having to attend social engagements? Being able to work from home for 18 months? Enjoying a Friday night at home without being chided for it? Most of us probably thought we were having a dream -- one from which we did not want to wake up. It's not to say that introverts haven't missed meeting up with family at a busy restaurant for dinner, celebrating birthdays with co-workers, or attending concerts with friends.  The difference now is that saying "I'll pass" (if an outing is proposed to begin with) doesn't rub people the wrong way like it used do. It's become acceptable to decline if your concern relates to catching the virus, whether because of crowds, lack of social d...

Who would have thought that social media platforms would evolve into the juggernauts they are today? From teenagers to soccer moms to grandpas, practically the entire world has a presence on sites like Facebook. To be fair, such platforms certainly came in handy last year at the onset of this seemingly endless pandemic, when people across the world were forced put their in-person social lives on hold and hunker down.  It gave us a way to stay connected with friends and family. Sure, pictures, videos, and likes were no substitute for the real thing, but at least it kept us abreast of significant events -- from work promotions to baby announcements -- in the lives of those who matter most to us.  But as the saying goes, everything has its pros and cons. And social media has an  unmistakably dark side.  Sites like Facebook have become a breeding ground for drawing comparisons between ourselves and others -- largely thanks to the continuous stream of videos and posts tha...

Alice Munro quipped that, "The constant happiness is curiosity." It's almost as if she were addressing introverts, among the most intellectually curious people in existence, directly. Introverts' quest for knowledge is perpetual. It will never abate.  We strive to learn something new each and every day, whether by reading books, watching documentaries, or catching the newest exhibitions at the local museum.  Introverts don't buy into the notion that learning ends the day you get your high school or college diploma. Rather, learning is a lifelong pursuit. As the prolific science fiction writer Isaac Asimov said, "Education is not something you can finish." Does this mean we all aim to go out and get a Ph.D. like Asimov did?  Of course not. We're fortunate enough to live in an age where we have myriad tools at our disposal that enable us to learn practically anything we want, whenever we want, without the need to invest in a formal degree. Asimov himse...

Life isn't easy. And if you're an introvert, it can feel especially daunting in a world that seems tailor-made for gregarious, attention-seeking individuals.  Aside from competing personal and professional demands, introverts have to contend with:  Energy levels being depleted by difficult people and situations  Constantly being questioned on our quiet, unassuming demeanor Having to be quick and on our feet when our natural dependency is to go at a slower, more measured pace  Being passed over for promotions and other opportunities because of our reluctance to promote our accomplishments  And yet, for all these challenges, being an introvert brings an array of gifts and opportunities: The capacity to listen to and understand people on a deeper level than most others  The ability to delve deeply into subjects and interests about which we're passionate  The ability to focus intently on something for long stretches of time without getting distracted ...

From an early age, I knew there was something about me -- my personality, my temperament -- that differentiated me from my peers. I just didn't know what it was. I sensed I was more retiring, less hungry for attention, and more at ease in solitude than most people.  Now that I'm an adult and comfortable in my introversion, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm proud of my uniqueness, and every introvert on this page ought to be as well.  That isn't to say the road to self-awareness has been an easy one.  Whether at school or work, I've lost count of the number of people over the years who've either questioned or criticized my quiet, unassuming disposition.  In the workplace, supervisors and co-workers have pulled no punches with their biting sarcasm, saying things like "Hey, keep it down over here. You're too loud!" For whatever reason, it makes some folks uneasy when there's someone at work who keeps to themselves. They might suspect they...

There is no question that introverts can tend toward melancholy.  Perhaps this shouldn't come as a surprise given that, because of our calm, introspective demeanor, we're frequently viewed as "inferior" to our more extroverted counterparts.  Here are a few instances where introverts can plunge into despondency: - Our self-esteem can take a hit when we don't succeed at something, whether it's landing a promotion or acing an exam  - We can feel immense pressure to change when scolded for being too quiet, especially if it leads to our not being invited to social functions or acknowledged for our efforts  - Because of our tendency to keep to ourselves, others may attach to us hurtful labels like "weirdo" or "snob" Despite our need for solitude, introverts still enjoy spending time with loved ones. We still yearn to establish a human connection, albeit in small doses.  That's why being excluded can wreak havoc on us emotionally and psycholog...

Do introverts tend to be conservative with their spending, or do they burn through cash with total abandon? Though it varies by person, introverts are generally not huge spenders. I certainly am not.  We typically value experiences over material stuff.  Yes, certain experiences can cost an awful lot of money (e.g., European vacations). But introverts don't need to travel that far and wide in order to enjoy themselves.  Whether it's going to dinner with close friends; spending the afternoon at a local museum, library, or art gallery; we value enriching experiences more than we do physical possessions.  And the stuff introverts like me might spend more on tends to be relatively inexpensive, like books or coffee.  Again, it isn't to say there are no spendthrifts on Team Introvert. But they're not as commonplace as those who relish going out and forking over untold sums of money at nightclubs, casinos, and other venues. Remember, introverts tend to be home bodies. O...

You know that negative voice inside of you that tells you you're not good enough from time to time? The one that attempts to remind you of your deficiencies while glossing over your strengths? The voice that says you ought not to take risks because you will surely fail? We've all been there. It can be like being forced to sit through a terrible commercial or song because your remote control has ceased functioning.  What is an introvert to do when these negative thoughts arise? Here are some valuable strategies for keeping them in check: 1. Silence such thoughts by exclaiming "I'm not listening to you!" and instead focusing on the attributes that make you a wonderful human-being: intelligence, empathy, a hard work ethic, humility, decency, and so on. 2. Give your inner critic a name to reduce its potency ("Uh oh, here comes Greg the Grouch again"). Doing so will give the feeling of being one step ahead so that you may stop the thoughts in their tracks.  3...

Introverts are, by their very nature, unassuming.  The last thing we want to do is draw attention to ourselves, whether it be promoting our accomplishments at work in hopes of landing a promotion, talking up our best traits on a blind date, or speaking up when on the receiving end of someone's unseemly behavior. But finding our inner voice is imperative. We must never let anyone -- and that includes ourselves -- silence it. It doesn't mean you have to turn surly, treating others like they're beneath you.  But you should never let yourself become anyone's doormat either. You're your own chief advocate. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will.  Never feel too embarrassed or guilty to speak honestly and respectfully in support of your goals, values, and beliefs.  I'm not saying you need to become a masterful public speaker, or that you should pretend to be a Know-It-All.  Instead, what I'm saying is never to let anyone suppress your voice. You have ...

Not all intellectuals are introverts, but I would wager that all introverts are in fact intellectuals.  I'll use myself as an example. If I'm not learning something new, I'm probably bored out of my mind.  And if a book, TV, or my phone aren't readily accessible -- to consume documentaries and other educational content, of course -- then I have no choice but to depend on my thoughts to pass the time.  Such thoughts might encompass: How the history or psychology book I'm currently reading might end, or what tome from my bookshelf I'll grab next  How the pandemic might factor into consumer spending patterns going forward How many/which people have lived in my condo since the property was built  Why certain people in my orbit behave the way they do  Because introverts are at their best when fueled with knowledge, it's no wonder we delve deeply into subjects about which we're passionate -- whether it be architecture, nature, philosophy, or literature.  On ...

When someone deems you rude, weird, or stuck-up because of your introversion, what should you do? Bask in and double down on your introversion, of course! Don't even entertain the idea of changing to appease anyone, whether it be a friend, co-worker, or relative.  People can call you anything they wish, but you know who you are deep inside. As long as you value your introversion, that's what ultimately matters.  Most people don't comprehend what introversion is, even after ill-fated attempts to enlighten them.  In all likelihood, you've tried to explain that introversion has to do with the way we draw energy (inward, of course). Still, they carry on believing whatever they want to believe -- that we're self-centered, socially inept, and so on -- because it requires fewer mental resources. When in doubt, people would simply rather pass judgment.  No amount of explanation will get through to some of these narrow-minded folks.  They simply can't fathom an individua...

Ask any introvert to name one thing they're good at and chances are they will say "sitting in silence." There is no denying it: Introverts can seem out of sorts in the loud, fast-paced world in which we live.  With so many things vying for our attention -- from advertisements to text messages to social media alerts -- it can feel like an all-out assault on the senses. And, yet, introverts know exactly what it takes to replenish their energy reserves: utter silence.  Taking a deep breath and finding refuge in solitude -- whether at the park, library, or in our own car -- is what we do best (or at least one of the things we have a knack for). When we pause, it allows us to reset and consider our options, our possibilities. This allows us to strengthen ties with others -- from partners to co-workers -- and, more importantly, with ourselves.  Because here's the thing: If introverts don't get their much-needed alone time, they'll be disinclined to interact with oth...